my christmas wish...

Tis' the season, and once again i'm find myself disgruntled to the point of near insanity.  Not, that humans aren't dispicable all year-round, but there is just something special about the holidays that can bring out the worst in  some people, or is it the worst in me?  Don't get me wrong, i quite enjoy the x-mas season, though i'm not a x-ian, but never am i more mindful of the sad state of the human condition than in the latter part of the Christian year. 

As i work in retail, i annually find myself on the front lines of the battle for bargains.  Now, anyone who saw the footage on the news of the madness at Walmarts across the land this year, knows of what i speak.  People trampling-- no stampeeding over people to get a lousy computer that may not figuratively cost an arm and a leg, but literally, very well may cost the whole of a body (just not theirs)!  To be sure, some retailers, may not do much to help the situation, but the natural evilness, the selfishness, thoughtless, inconsiderate nature of homosapiens can never fully be curtailed, but for a bullet to the head or heart. 

You come into my store and tear it up!  Nevermind that you disrepect the empolyees who made the store nice for you in the first place-- no, it is our job to serve you and to recover the disorder of a shopthrough.  We know this.  We understand this.  But what of the inconsiderateness to others?  Your fellow consumers?  Your fellow humans?  Now there aren't nearly enough of us employees to promptly correct all that you've thrown into disarray.  No, no-one is asking that things be re-folded in the manner in which you found them, but can we not throw the "goods" on the floor, lest they become "bads".  I can't count how much merchandise i come arcoss, that though as yet unpurchased, most be marked out-of-stock because it is no longer in a like-new condition.  To that end, don't let your kids play with shit, until you've bought it.  Quit giving your kids wares you've no intention of buying them just to shut them up.  I know they'll end up breaking it, if they're old/strong enough or at the very least cover it it a thick film of toddler saliva, if they still be so young.  You are horrible parents. 

By the way, if you open up an package to check out the merchandise, and approve said merchandise for your purchasing pleasure, take the one you opened instead of then putting it back for an untouched one.  You're gonna rip it open at home and discard the packaging anyway, you dumb-asses!!!

What of the little old lady who tripped this year on the shit you left on the ground and hit her head on the corner of the display table?  She was carted away in an ambulance, but give you a second thought to your carelessness?  Care you not for the safety of others?

If you pick something up that you've chosen not to purchase, how about putting it back where you found it?  At least in the general area (except the floor).  Maybe then the next person can find what they're looking for.  Have some respect!!! If it's aready on the floor, i apolgize, but can we not walk or run our carts over it, please, you fucks!

And quit fighting with other customers for Christ's sake!  If you leave the line with out asking someone to hold your place, get to the back!  And yes, expect the long lines, and huge crowds.  You know how it is.  It's the same every year.  Don't be surprised or get angry, because you're in a hurry-- there's no such thing as a hurry in a mall in December. 

Finally, to those of you who are shopping until--or worse yet--start shopping at the last minute, don't give me attitude because the selections have been picked over, it ain't my fault, buddy.  You should've gotten your ass up n' out long ago.  You take what's left and keep yer mouth shut!  Don't make me jump across this counter and smack you up side your head!

Every year it's the same-- so why am i not used to it?  My christmas wish is this: i hope all of you stupid, inconsiderate, malevolent beings whom make me and others miserable during the holidays promptly die and go straight to hell.  Do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollars, just go straight to hell.  And may your hell, be an eternal Day-After-Thanksgiving shift at a bargain basement retailer.  May you fold the same sweater a million times infinity, may you incure the wrath of all who find it inbetween foldings, that they may let you know of the horrible state of the store--and your eternal condition for that matter. merry fucking christmas! :)

Sneaky Devil

awesome nite last night:
had tix to see Depeche Mode @Staples.
snuck into a line of people who were gonna meet the band before the show.  no-one noticed and we got a pass to go in.  met the guys took a pic.  then snuck onto the floor for better seats.
great show, awesome nite!

Anniversary

Anniversary

 

Today is our anniversary

If only we were together still

I wonder just how it would be

If only we were together still

 

A year ago this day we met

You filled me with desire

Since that day i could not forget

You filled me with desire

 

I think about you all the time

Wishin' you would still be mine

I can't get you outta my head

Wishin' you were here instead

 

After every time we'd meet

My heart would grow a little fonder

You made me feel so complete

And my heart it grew a little fonder

 

You spread your arms and took me in

I felt so safe and warm inside

Opened your heart and let me in

I felt so loved and warm inside

 

I think about you all the time

Wishin' you would still be mine

I can't get you outta my head

Wishin' you were here instead

 

You'd always know just what to say

You made me feel so very special

And the things you'd do every day

You made me feel so very special

 

Now i wonder how it would be

If only we were together still

All my days would be sorrow free

If only we were together still

 

I think about you all the time

Wishin' you would still be mine

Now you're gone and it's too late

Now all i've got is this date

Ryan J. Nelson ©2002

This was written about my first true love (also the subject of "Hollywood Dreams"). I awoke suddenly and unexplainably one morning around 4am and jotted this down, then went back to sleep. It just flowed right out, like blood from a broken heart.
-ry

Hollywood Dreams

A cameo,

just a start.

Bravo!

You touched my heart.

Begin my Hollywood dreams.

 

Playing the part,

recurring role.

And my heart,

i think you stole.

Build my Hollywood dreams.

 

Now's my chance:

your leading man.

Begin romance--

know we can.

In my Hollywood dreams.

 

The offer,

what a role!

You'll prosper,

take a stroll

through my Hollywood dreams.

 

I ask you

who you are.

I cast you,

you're a big star.

In my Hollywood dreams.

 

We start

our production:

The art

of seduction.

In my Hollywood dreams.

 

Another voice

that you hear.

And the choice

is so near.

With-out my Hollywood dreams.

 

Change of plans,

us on the shelf.

So you can

go find yourself.

Outside my Hollywood dreams.

 

You quit

the perfect part.

You'll split

for a new start.

Outside my Hollywood dreams.

 

Now we're through.

Spread your wings.

And know that you

really were something,

out of my Hollywood dreams.

Ryan J. Nelson ©2002

This was written about my first true love who lived in Hollywood and had made plans to join the Air Force before we met. Boot camp was just 6 months after we meet. :'(
-ry

Looking Forward

Only you know what the past has brought
so you don't know how a future seems.
Why not live in the present tense,
and see what the future brings.

You say i'm the sweetest,
beautiful: within,without.
And you wonder why i'm so incensed,
when after being "sure," you expressed doubt.

Now that i'm in your sight,
don't let your dreams keep you up at night.
Wake up and smell what's before you:
i'm all your dreams come true!

You say i'm perfect;
in me is everything you could want.
So you see what utter nonsense,
that past ways should haunt.

Thinking of what the past has wrought,
it's hard to think of future things.
But wouldn't it make more sense
to live now for our future dreams?

~ry

Ryan J. Nelson ©2004

In my head (let me be)

(Don't you ruin this for me.)
i want this
i need this
can't be happy without this
so why do you sabotage
don't try to sabotage
this
why won't you let me
have this
leave me be
leave us be
just let me be

i don't need your grief
i don't need your worries
i don't need you to tell me not to hurry
i don't want you to find faults
with me
with them
with things
i hate all that this brings
you think you're protecting
but you're only wrecking
you're inside of my head
just wish you were dead

but maybe it's true...
      oh, but maybe it's not...

what to think of these thoughts
why do you confuse me
only here to abuse me
just let me be
and maybe you'll see
all that i can be
all that we can be
all i'm meant to be

and you make me
say the wrong things
act the wrong way
and it goes on
day after day
can't go on
anymore this way

you deceive me
won't you relieve me
not of them, of you
won't you finally say that we're through
so that i say
you were only something that i once knew

want to say bye
then i'll be high
so why not try
not to deny
and just let me be

you make me so sad
then, thinking of what you did
i get so mad
the strength i only wish i had
the strength to push you away
make you go away
from me
why don't you do
as i say
what i tell you to

and then i'll be happy
oh so happy
to finally be rid of you
and then you'll see
what i always knew: it's ok to be me
then i'll feel so free
just want to be me
just want to be happy...

BUT YOU'RE STILL IN MY HEAD!!!


Ryan J. Nelson ©2004


-this is about that little voice in my head that would always try to sabaotge burgeoning romances by second-guessing and finding faults or faux faults.
~ry

I will always love you

My expression i cannot hide

my smile is a mile wide

at the feelings i feel inside

you're the one who put them there

with your words, with your stare

so now i know that you care

and now it's plain too see

that you are the one for me

and together we shall be

in each other's arms forever

this bond, this love, let's never

break these ties or sever

and i'll be happy as never before

and each day with you more and more

smiling till my face is sore

because now it's plain too see

that you were meant for me

and together we shall be

never again alone

thank you for the love you've shown

and oh my, how it's grown

my feelings for you i can't contain

so no longer will i try in vain

as it's obvious they'll not wane

let us say we'll never part

and from the bottom of my heart

till the end and from the start

i will always love you.

Ryan J. Nelson ©2004