I cancelled my TV service because i never watch it anymore, but as the following was reported on CBS and NBC sites, i imagine you saw this on yesternight's evening news. I think it is fucking brilliant! As a retail veteran, i know the pain of working around pain-in-the-ass customers! What i'm talking about is the Jet Blue flight attendant who lost it (after 20 years of airline service, mind you) with yet another recalcitrant passenger. Here is the short story: he asked her to mind the rules and remain seated until alerted that is okay to rise and get one's luggage from the overhead bins. This bitch ignored rules and got up (according to one version of the story, her insolence started at the beginning of the flight) to access the overhead bin. When flight attendant, Steven Slater, approached to ask her to follow the rules, he was accidentally hit by her luggage as it came out of the overhead bin and the passenger proceeded to cuss him out after he asked for an apology. Mr Slater (again after 20 years of this shit) lost it. He then thanked the passengers who were polite for their cooperation, then grabbed some beers, opened the side door made sure no one was below, then deployed the emergency inflatable slide and jumped out the plane. Let's go back a tick: HE GRABBED SOME BEERS BEFORE EXITING...umm, can you say my hero!
Read the story through the following articles. They offer different versions, but in the end, Steven Slater, is my hero!
Here is the CBS article.
Here is the NBC article.
x
If what your country is doing seems to you practically and morally wrong, dissent is the highest form of patriotism.
Showing posts with label retail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label retail. Show all posts
10 August 2010
04 January 2009
Notes From The Trenches
I've worked retail for 10 years. Guess you could say I'm an old veteran now. I think I need to be decorated with some kind of war medal or somethin', I know my merv brothers and sisters will agree. Yes, it takes a special breed to deal with the public. Over the years I've heard all kinds of BS. Check out these golden nuggets:
This happened recently during our liquidation process. During this process we no longer accepted personal checks—standard practice during a liquidation, but I don't expect everyone to know that. So we posted signs. Big ones. Three, in fact. They were in black and yellow, the very combination by the way, which has been scientifically proven to be the easiest to read by humans (don't ask how I know this). So I am alone at the register, ringing people up. I have a line. After each person, I say "next," and as I hold yet a fourth sign which explains what tenders I accept, I also verbally explain that I can take credit only, no cash, no debit. So this warped frustrated old man and his wife come up to the desk. I give them their total. I notice he starts writing a check:
Ryan: I'm sorry, sir, we no longer take checks. Like announced before you came up, this is a credit-card only line. You may pay by cash or debit anywhere else in the store.
Warped frustrated old man: what?
Wife: They don't take checks, dear.
Warped frustrated old man: Wha?!! Well, they should post a goddamn sign or something!
Frustrated ryan: Actually, sir, there is a goddamn sign posted there, there, there and there. (oh, that felt good)
Warpy: How much is it? (as he pulls cash out of his wallet)
Ryan: sir, this is a credit only line…
Why are people stupid? Why??
Check out this bitch:
Cusomer: I want to return this.
Ryan: I'm sorry, your receipt is expired, this is no longer returnable.
Customer: I know it's expired, but you can take it back.
Ryan: There are some instances in which we can take something back in spite of an expired receipt, unfortunately, this is not one of those times, because we no longer carry this item.
Customer: Well, I was out of the country, so I couldn't bring it back.
Ryan: well, the time allowance on our return policy is quite generous. You had 90 days to return or exchange the item. Some stores only give you a week to return or exchange. If you can't get it here within 3 months there is nothing further I can do.
Customer: I know, but I was out of the country so how could I return it? I could not return it. I just got back yesterday.
Oh I'm sorry, let me have the entire corporation revolve around your fucking calendar. Bitch it's not my fault you were out of the goddamn country. Why didn't you stay out of the goddamn country you fucking slut!! Give me a fucking break!!! Goddamnit!!!! In fact, do I detect an accent? Don't make me call ICE on yo' ass! Bitch!!
How about this one:
Customer comes in and says, he's interested in a hoodie but didn't wanna pay a whole lot. I was busy with another customer, but asked one of my associates to show him to our less expensive hoodies. A couple of minutes go by and my associate comes up to me and asks me to help the same guy. I ask why and am told he wants some kind of discount. I walk up to him and ask how I can help him. In a long and drawn-out way he starts explaining how he thinks he wants a hoodie. He wants me to reduce the price though. He is kinda wishy-washy about it. He actually said that he wasn't quite sure he even really wanted a hoodie, but had never had one before and thinks he wants one now. Here's the kicker, to get me to reduce the price, he lays this one on me: "my doctor says I have only 4 months to live." Are you fucking kidding me?!! He kept going on trying to haggle with me. Look asshole, if you got 4 months to live, don't fucking waste your precious time trying to argue with me. Fucking take your whiny disease-ridden ass to Big Lots or some shit, buy one for a fucking 1$. In fact, I hope you do buy a cheap-ass one for a dollar, and I hope it is hella thin, and I hope you fucking catch pneumonia and I hope you die early! Put yourself out of my misery already, you prick! Fuck, get outta my face!
Once, a customer wanted to return something that we no longer carried. It was so old, the computer no longer even recognized the barcode. I explained that we could not make such a return or exchange. She would not exactly take no for an answer. She wasn't one of those I'm right and you're wrong kinda bitches, rather she was one of those whine-until-i-get-my-way kinda bitches. You know the kind? Anyhoo, she hits me with this load of crap: "please, you don't understand, if you don't take it back for the cash my husband is gonna divorce me!" Are you fucking serious, Ho?!! Did that shit just spew outta your mouth and into my ears?!!! Look you fucking cunt, if your husband divorces you for not coming back with refund money, trust me bitch, he ain't divorcing you cuz you couldn't bring back the measly 8$ the fucking apparel was worth. He's divorcing yo' bitch-ass cuz you're a fucking whining whore who can't keep track of her finances. Fact is, the pimp just needed to put his foot down—or should I say his hand—across your punk-ass face, biatch! Damn you must give his pimp hand some good exercise! You best go home and get on your knees and beg of his forgiveness. While you're down there why don't you take his fucking cock in your mouth too? Probably another reason he's divorcing your ass. Maybe if you'da done that over the years, he might not mind your overdrawn pocketbook, shit, as long as he's getting some. But no, you're like, ack, ack, I'm gagging! Waa, waa!
Bitch you'll take it and you'll like it, HO!
Goddamn, some bitches got nerve!
Oh, this is one of my fav exchanges:
Customer: I want to speak to the manager.
Ryan: I am the manager! (yeah, what now, asshole?!!)
Heehee, I love that one.
well, if i think of more stories, i'll post 'em, but that's all i gots fer now.
This happened recently during our liquidation process. During this process we no longer accepted personal checks—standard practice during a liquidation, but I don't expect everyone to know that. So we posted signs. Big ones. Three, in fact. They were in black and yellow, the very combination by the way, which has been scientifically proven to be the easiest to read by humans (don't ask how I know this). So I am alone at the register, ringing people up. I have a line. After each person, I say "next," and as I hold yet a fourth sign which explains what tenders I accept, I also verbally explain that I can take credit only, no cash, no debit. So this warped frustrated old man and his wife come up to the desk. I give them their total. I notice he starts writing a check:
Ryan: I'm sorry, sir, we no longer take checks. Like announced before you came up, this is a credit-card only line. You may pay by cash or debit anywhere else in the store.
Warped frustrated old man: what?
Wife: They don't take checks, dear.
Warped frustrated old man: Wha?!! Well, they should post a goddamn sign or something!
Frustrated ryan: Actually, sir, there is a goddamn sign posted there, there, there and there. (oh, that felt good)
Warpy: How much is it? (as he pulls cash out of his wallet)
Ryan: sir, this is a credit only line…
Why are people stupid? Why??
Check out this bitch:
Cusomer: I want to return this.
Ryan: I'm sorry, your receipt is expired, this is no longer returnable.
Customer: I know it's expired, but you can take it back.
Ryan: There are some instances in which we can take something back in spite of an expired receipt, unfortunately, this is not one of those times, because we no longer carry this item.
Customer: Well, I was out of the country, so I couldn't bring it back.
Ryan: well, the time allowance on our return policy is quite generous. You had 90 days to return or exchange the item. Some stores only give you a week to return or exchange. If you can't get it here within 3 months there is nothing further I can do.
Customer: I know, but I was out of the country so how could I return it? I could not return it. I just got back yesterday.
Oh I'm sorry, let me have the entire corporation revolve around your fucking calendar. Bitch it's not my fault you were out of the goddamn country. Why didn't you stay out of the goddamn country you fucking slut!! Give me a fucking break!!! Goddamnit!!!! In fact, do I detect an accent? Don't make me call ICE on yo' ass! Bitch!!
How about this one:
Customer comes in and says, he's interested in a hoodie but didn't wanna pay a whole lot. I was busy with another customer, but asked one of my associates to show him to our less expensive hoodies. A couple of minutes go by and my associate comes up to me and asks me to help the same guy. I ask why and am told he wants some kind of discount. I walk up to him and ask how I can help him. In a long and drawn-out way he starts explaining how he thinks he wants a hoodie. He wants me to reduce the price though. He is kinda wishy-washy about it. He actually said that he wasn't quite sure he even really wanted a hoodie, but had never had one before and thinks he wants one now. Here's the kicker, to get me to reduce the price, he lays this one on me: "my doctor says I have only 4 months to live." Are you fucking kidding me?!! He kept going on trying to haggle with me. Look asshole, if you got 4 months to live, don't fucking waste your precious time trying to argue with me. Fucking take your whiny disease-ridden ass to Big Lots or some shit, buy one for a fucking 1$. In fact, I hope you do buy a cheap-ass one for a dollar, and I hope it is hella thin, and I hope you fucking catch pneumonia and I hope you die early! Put yourself out of my misery already, you prick! Fuck, get outta my face!
Once, a customer wanted to return something that we no longer carried. It was so old, the computer no longer even recognized the barcode. I explained that we could not make such a return or exchange. She would not exactly take no for an answer. She wasn't one of those I'm right and you're wrong kinda bitches, rather she was one of those whine-until-i-get-my-way kinda bitches. You know the kind? Anyhoo, she hits me with this load of crap: "please, you don't understand, if you don't take it back for the cash my husband is gonna divorce me!" Are you fucking serious, Ho?!! Did that shit just spew outta your mouth and into my ears?!!! Look you fucking cunt, if your husband divorces you for not coming back with refund money, trust me bitch, he ain't divorcing you cuz you couldn't bring back the measly 8$ the fucking apparel was worth. He's divorcing yo' bitch-ass cuz you're a fucking whining whore who can't keep track of her finances. Fact is, the pimp just needed to put his foot down—or should I say his hand—across your punk-ass face, biatch! Damn you must give his pimp hand some good exercise! You best go home and get on your knees and beg of his forgiveness. While you're down there why don't you take his fucking cock in your mouth too? Probably another reason he's divorcing your ass. Maybe if you'da done that over the years, he might not mind your overdrawn pocketbook, shit, as long as he's getting some. But no, you're like, ack, ack, I'm gagging! Waa, waa!
Bitch you'll take it and you'll like it, HO!
Goddamn, some bitches got nerve!
Oh, this is one of my fav exchanges:
Customer: I want to speak to the manager.
Ryan: I am the manager! (yeah, what now, asshole?!!)
Heehee, I love that one.
well, if i think of more stories, i'll post 'em, but that's all i gots fer now.
20 December 2005
my christmas wish...
Tis' the season, and once again i'm find myself disgruntled to the point of near insanity. Not, that humans aren't dispicable all year-round, but there is just something special about the holidays that can bring out the worst in some people, or is it the worst in me? Don't get me wrong, i quite enjoy the x-mas season, though i'm not a x-ian, but never am i more mindful of the sad state of the human condition than in the latter part of the Christian year.
As i work in retail, i annually find myself on the front lines of the battle for bargains. Now, anyone who saw the footage on the news of the madness at Walmarts across the land this year, knows of what i speak. People trampling-- no stampeeding over people to get a lousy computer that may not figuratively cost an arm and a leg, but literally, very well may cost the whole of a body (just not theirs)! To be sure, some retailers, may not do much to help the situation, but the natural evilness, the selfishness, thoughtless, inconsiderate nature of homosapiens can never fully be curtailed, but for a bullet to the head or heart.
You come into my store and tear it up! Nevermind that you disrepect the empolyees who made the store nice for you in the first place-- no, it is our job to serve you and to recover the disorder of a shopthrough. We know this. We understand this. But what of the inconsiderateness to others? Your fellow consumers? Your fellow humans? Now there aren't nearly enough of us employees to promptly correct all that you've thrown into disarray. No, no-one is asking that things be re-folded in the manner in which you found them, but can we not throw the "goods" on the floor, lest they become "bads". I can't count how much merchandise i come arcoss, that though as yet unpurchased, most be marked out-of-stock because it is no longer in a like-new condition. To that end, don't let your kids play with shit, until you've bought it. Quit giving your kids wares you've no intention of buying them just to shut them up. I know they'll end up breaking it, if they're old/strong enough or at the very least cover it it a thick film of toddler saliva, if they still be so young. You are horrible parents.
By the way, if you open up an package to check out the merchandise, and approve said merchandise for your purchasing pleasure, take the one you opened instead of then putting it back for an untouched one. You're gonna rip it open at home and discard the packaging anyway, you dumb-asses!!!
What of the little old lady who tripped this year on the shit you left on the ground and hit her head on the corner of the display table? She was carted away in an ambulance, but give you a second thought to your carelessness? Care you not for the safety of others?
If you pick something up that you've chosen not to purchase, how about putting it back where you found it? At least in the general area (except the floor). Maybe then the next person can find what they're looking for. Have some respect!!! If it's aready on the floor, i apolgize, but can we not walk or run our carts over it, please, you fucks!
And quit fighting with other customers for Christ's sake! If you leave the line with out asking someone to hold your place, get to the back! And yes, expect the long lines, and huge crowds. You know how it is. It's the same every year. Don't be surprised or get angry, because you're in a hurry-- there's no such thing as a hurry in a mall in December.
Finally, to those of you who are shopping until--or worse yet--start shopping at the last minute, don't give me attitude because the selections have been picked over, it ain't my fault, buddy. You should've gotten your ass up n' out long ago. You take what's left and keep yer mouth shut! Don't make me jump across this counter and smack you up side your head!
Every year it's the same-- so why am i not used to it? My christmas wish is this: i hope all of you stupid, inconsiderate, malevolent beings whom make me and others miserable during the holidays promptly die and go straight to hell. Do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollars, just go straight to hell. And may your hell, be an eternal Day-After-Thanksgiving shift at a bargain basement retailer. May you fold the same sweater a million times infinity, may you incure the wrath of all who find it inbetween foldings, that they may let you know of the horrible state of the store--and your eternal condition for that matter. merry fucking christmas! :)
As i work in retail, i annually find myself on the front lines of the battle for bargains. Now, anyone who saw the footage on the news of the madness at Walmarts across the land this year, knows of what i speak. People trampling-- no stampeeding over people to get a lousy computer that may not figuratively cost an arm and a leg, but literally, very well may cost the whole of a body (just not theirs)! To be sure, some retailers, may not do much to help the situation, but the natural evilness, the selfishness, thoughtless, inconsiderate nature of homosapiens can never fully be curtailed, but for a bullet to the head or heart.
You come into my store and tear it up! Nevermind that you disrepect the empolyees who made the store nice for you in the first place-- no, it is our job to serve you and to recover the disorder of a shopthrough. We know this. We understand this. But what of the inconsiderateness to others? Your fellow consumers? Your fellow humans? Now there aren't nearly enough of us employees to promptly correct all that you've thrown into disarray. No, no-one is asking that things be re-folded in the manner in which you found them, but can we not throw the "goods" on the floor, lest they become "bads". I can't count how much merchandise i come arcoss, that though as yet unpurchased, most be marked out-of-stock because it is no longer in a like-new condition. To that end, don't let your kids play with shit, until you've bought it. Quit giving your kids wares you've no intention of buying them just to shut them up. I know they'll end up breaking it, if they're old/strong enough or at the very least cover it it a thick film of toddler saliva, if they still be so young. You are horrible parents.
By the way, if you open up an package to check out the merchandise, and approve said merchandise for your purchasing pleasure, take the one you opened instead of then putting it back for an untouched one. You're gonna rip it open at home and discard the packaging anyway, you dumb-asses!!!
What of the little old lady who tripped this year on the shit you left on the ground and hit her head on the corner of the display table? She was carted away in an ambulance, but give you a second thought to your carelessness? Care you not for the safety of others?
If you pick something up that you've chosen not to purchase, how about putting it back where you found it? At least in the general area (except the floor). Maybe then the next person can find what they're looking for. Have some respect!!! If it's aready on the floor, i apolgize, but can we not walk or run our carts over it, please, you fucks!
And quit fighting with other customers for Christ's sake! If you leave the line with out asking someone to hold your place, get to the back! And yes, expect the long lines, and huge crowds. You know how it is. It's the same every year. Don't be surprised or get angry, because you're in a hurry-- there's no such thing as a hurry in a mall in December.
Finally, to those of you who are shopping until--or worse yet--start shopping at the last minute, don't give me attitude because the selections have been picked over, it ain't my fault, buddy. You should've gotten your ass up n' out long ago. You take what's left and keep yer mouth shut! Don't make me jump across this counter and smack you up side your head!
Every year it's the same-- so why am i not used to it? My christmas wish is this: i hope all of you stupid, inconsiderate, malevolent beings whom make me and others miserable during the holidays promptly die and go straight to hell. Do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollars, just go straight to hell. And may your hell, be an eternal Day-After-Thanksgiving shift at a bargain basement retailer. May you fold the same sweater a million times infinity, may you incure the wrath of all who find it inbetween foldings, that they may let you know of the horrible state of the store--and your eternal condition for that matter. merry fucking christmas! :)
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