AD RIFT: FIS HINT HE SEA

Adrift.  Solitary i sail.  Away from what failed.  On and on.

Ahead.  Into the abyss.  Behind are days i miss.  Uneasy.

Ages.  A while since sublime.  But a whale of a good time.  Hunting.

Drowning.  In grounders of grog.  To cut through the fog.  Aiding.

Slimy.  Under starry skies.  Waves of temporary highs.  Fishing.

Free.  Didn’t put up a fight.  But just for one night.  Thrown back.

Looking.  But not for keeps.  And the sea, she weeps.  Nightly.

Floating.  Been adrift so long.  Amidst a colorful throng .  All alone.

Avast.  Anchors to weigh?  And start a new day?  Am i ready?

Unsure.  Don’t know how i feel.  Lost without a needle.  Directionless.

Drifting.   Now to sail on.  Best things have gone.  Once again.

Hopeless.  Forget the SOS.  This one’s a mess.  Forlorn.

Repeat.  Yet another night.  And no land in sight.  Adrift.

Ryan J. Nelson ©2009

P.D.A. (The Public Eye)

[PDA...#1(the original)]

P.D.A. (The Public Eye)

Her hand on your thigh
Yours 'round her waist
All in the public eye
A kiss so easily placed

You whisper sweet nothings
You know we're all in earshot
But no one cares it seems
That you two get caught

In the bus
On the street
Wherever you choose to meet
On the train
At the station
And anywhere across this nation
I'm watching you
And you're so happy
I think you take for granted
Your freedom of affection

On the neck or her cheek
Just a simple peck
O but if i repeat
It's nausea i'd expect

And you only remind
Of what i cannot do
Because of your kind
But maybe you never knew

At the beach
On the pier
But i'm left only to leer
Inside a store
Within a mall
For you there's nothing wrong at all
I'm watching you
And you're so sappy
I want the same, but granted
I'd only incur rejection

As soon as you meet
Fingers interlock
Well isn't that sweet?
Is it me you mock?

Made my decision
Now i've envy
At affection given
Wild and carefree

In the bus
On the street
Wherever you choose to meet
On the train
At the station
And anywhere across this nation
I'm watching you
And you're so happy
I think you take for granted
Your freedom of affection

Ryan J. Nelson ©2006


written about how some "crooked" people might feel about public displays of affection
-ry

P.D.A. (My Mind's Eye)

[PDA... #2 (the sequel)]

P.D.A. (My Mind's Eye)

I'm just so jealous
This life is just hellish
Watching them meet
Watching them greet
A tongue in her cheek
Quite literally i speak

What of our kind
The thoughts in their minds
At the first detection
Of our free affection
What if they could see
Would they turn against me

O not to be confined to parades
Acting like them is such a charade
Held to a certain part of town
Only serves to bring me down
But us we segregate
So us they'll not castigate

And do they realize
The effect on my eyes
I guess it quite silly
For whose fault is it really
Well mine i have to say
So why do i feel this way

Then their thoughts be damned
Go on grab my hand
Hands on your hips
I plant one on your lips
And now it's understood
That now i feel good

So i blink my mind's eye
And realize that i
Think of one thought
Don't mind being caught
Come here and and give me a kiss
Now i know what i've missed

Ryan J. Nelson ©2006

fuck it, crooked lovers of the world united (and make out in public, hahaha!)
-ry

Anniversary

Anniversary

 

Today is our anniversary

If only we were together still

I wonder just how it would be

If only we were together still

 

A year ago this day we met

You filled me with desire

Since that day i could not forget

You filled me with desire

 

I think about you all the time

Wishin' you would still be mine

I can't get you outta my head

Wishin' you were here instead

 

After every time we'd meet

My heart would grow a little fonder

You made me feel so complete

And my heart it grew a little fonder

 

You spread your arms and took me in

I felt so safe and warm inside

Opened your heart and let me in

I felt so loved and warm inside

 

I think about you all the time

Wishin' you would still be mine

I can't get you outta my head

Wishin' you were here instead

 

You'd always know just what to say

You made me feel so very special

And the things you'd do every day

You made me feel so very special

 

Now i wonder how it would be

If only we were together still

All my days would be sorrow free

If only we were together still

 

I think about you all the time

Wishin' you would still be mine

Now you're gone and it's too late

Now all i've got is this date

Ryan J. Nelson ©2002

This was written about my first true love (also the subject of "Hollywood Dreams"). I awoke suddenly and unexplainably one morning around 4am and jotted this down, then went back to sleep. It just flowed right out, like blood from a broken heart.
-ry

Hollywood Dreams

A cameo,

just a start.

Bravo!

You touched my heart.

Begin my Hollywood dreams.

 

Playing the part,

recurring role.

And my heart,

i think you stole.

Build my Hollywood dreams.

 

Now's my chance:

your leading man.

Begin romance--

know we can.

In my Hollywood dreams.

 

The offer,

what a role!

You'll prosper,

take a stroll

through my Hollywood dreams.

 

I ask you

who you are.

I cast you,

you're a big star.

In my Hollywood dreams.

 

We start

our production:

The art

of seduction.

In my Hollywood dreams.

 

Another voice

that you hear.

And the choice

is so near.

With-out my Hollywood dreams.

 

Change of plans,

us on the shelf.

So you can

go find yourself.

Outside my Hollywood dreams.

 

You quit

the perfect part.

You'll split

for a new start.

Outside my Hollywood dreams.

 

Now we're through.

Spread your wings.

And know that you

really were something,

out of my Hollywood dreams.

Ryan J. Nelson ©2002

This was written about my first true love who lived in Hollywood and had made plans to join the Air Force before we met. Boot camp was just 6 months after we meet. :'(
-ry

Looking Forward

Only you know what the past has brought
so you don't know how a future seems.
Why not live in the present tense,
and see what the future brings.

You say i'm the sweetest,
beautiful: within,without.
And you wonder why i'm so incensed,
when after being "sure," you expressed doubt.

Now that i'm in your sight,
don't let your dreams keep you up at night.
Wake up and smell what's before you:
i'm all your dreams come true!

You say i'm perfect;
in me is everything you could want.
So you see what utter nonsense,
that past ways should haunt.

Thinking of what the past has wrought,
it's hard to think of future things.
But wouldn't it make more sense
to live now for our future dreams?

~ry

Ryan J. Nelson ©2004

In my head (let me be)

(Don't you ruin this for me.)
i want this
i need this
can't be happy without this
so why do you sabotage
don't try to sabotage
this
why won't you let me
have this
leave me be
leave us be
just let me be

i don't need your grief
i don't need your worries
i don't need you to tell me not to hurry
i don't want you to find faults
with me
with them
with things
i hate all that this brings
you think you're protecting
but you're only wrecking
you're inside of my head
just wish you were dead

but maybe it's true...
      oh, but maybe it's not...

what to think of these thoughts
why do you confuse me
only here to abuse me
just let me be
and maybe you'll see
all that i can be
all that we can be
all i'm meant to be

and you make me
say the wrong things
act the wrong way
and it goes on
day after day
can't go on
anymore this way

you deceive me
won't you relieve me
not of them, of you
won't you finally say that we're through
so that i say
you were only something that i once knew

want to say bye
then i'll be high
so why not try
not to deny
and just let me be

you make me so sad
then, thinking of what you did
i get so mad
the strength i only wish i had
the strength to push you away
make you go away
from me
why don't you do
as i say
what i tell you to

and then i'll be happy
oh so happy
to finally be rid of you
and then you'll see
what i always knew: it's ok to be me
then i'll feel so free
just want to be me
just want to be happy...

BUT YOU'RE STILL IN MY HEAD!!!


Ryan J. Nelson ©2004


-this is about that little voice in my head that would always try to sabaotge burgeoning romances by second-guessing and finding faults or faux faults.
~ry

I will always love you

My expression i cannot hide

my smile is a mile wide

at the feelings i feel inside

you're the one who put them there

with your words, with your stare

so now i know that you care

and now it's plain too see

that you are the one for me

and together we shall be

in each other's arms forever

this bond, this love, let's never

break these ties or sever

and i'll be happy as never before

and each day with you more and more

smiling till my face is sore

because now it's plain too see

that you were meant for me

and together we shall be

never again alone

thank you for the love you've shown

and oh my, how it's grown

my feelings for you i can't contain

so no longer will i try in vain

as it's obvious they'll not wane

let us say we'll never part

and from the bottom of my heart

till the end and from the start

i will always love you.

Ryan J. Nelson ©2004