Come To Find

As i look into your lost eyes
I have to tell you
Need you to hear all of my cries
What have we come to


Stop causing all this agony
You're not the person
That i had really hoped you'd be
Thoughts of you worsen


     Yet you continually say
     He's beyond measure
     And so you really feel this way
     That he's a treasure


I know deep down you realize
Don't know why you try
To still believe all of the lies
And logic defy


And all of the signs you can see
Writing's on the wall
Why will you not just let him be
Or further you'll fall


     Know you fell really hard for him
     Don't want to let go
     But i don't think you're gonna win
     I know it hurts so


Your behavior reprehensive
Start making some sense
And your heart is too sensitive
Too great an expense


But all of this time

I have been calling you an ass

Now i come to find

Been staring at a looking glass

Ryan J. Nelson ©2010




I wielded something mightier than a sword and ended up cutting myself.  Yeah, i use pen and paper before i type it out.  I'm old-school like that!  


x

Stellar Education

Burning entities
Connecting paths
Glimmering with hope
And shone so bright
Sweet binary dreams
Parting time and space


Torn apart by
The gravity of reality
Stellar trajectory set
Make no wish on me
From great heights
Soon to crash and burn


In some far off time
In our separate places
We need only look back
And still see the burn
Then move forward to say
Verily, i've seen the light.


Ryan J. Nelson ©2010


For JRQ


x

Unwanted Freedom

Well that's it.
I've been let go.


The one freedom i didn't want.
IT HURTS SO FUCKING MUCH,
but for now,
i know
it is the best decision for both of us.


I told myself this one was so great,
that i would not sabotage it.
That i would fight for it.
That
I
WOULD
NOT
be
the one
to end it,
because anyone who let him go
is truly a fool.


Well guess what--
i won that battle:
He ended it,
not me.


So this is it.


I told him he'd always have a place in my heart
and that if i were lucky,
he'd come back to claim it some day.


For now
i will try to not drown in the wetness currently accumulating at my feet
with the hopes that maybe,
if i'm lucky,
"some day" might come.


x

The Heart Gives In

When i think of you
Jaded memories of days past
All just fade away
And the mind fills true
With thoughts of us at last
And the future someday


You fill me with such emotion
My eyes now know their brim
My mind in commotion
Yet the heart gives in


When i think of you
You make my heart delight
Feelings once such an endeavor
And the mouth will do
Just what is right
Now i could smile forever


You fill me with such emotion
My eyes now know their brim
My mind in commotion
But the heart gives in


When i think of you
And your feelings so sweet
I've overwhelming desire
The eyes long to view
Envelop you head to feet
A grip that'll never tire


You fill me with such emotion
My eyes reach their brim
My mind seeks devotion
So the heart gives in


Ryan J. Nelson ©2004


Recently unearthed from an old journal of mine. Written about an ex.  While i gave him most of the things i'd written about him, i don't remember ever giving this one to him for whatever reason.  Perhaps cuz we'd gotten into a fight then i forgot about it--typical.  Go on, shake your head.  I am.


-ry


x

Just Say It !

My feelings building
I try to hide
Fear of the unknown
Of what's inside

Just say it!

Just say it, 'cause i feel it the same

Just say it, these feeling won't wane

Your words mounting

You start, then stop

Fear of rejection

That you i'll drop?

Just say it!

Just say it, 'cause i want it too

Just say it, deep down these feelings i knew

Out it comes

What i want to hear

Fear of reciprocation

Is nowhere near

You said it!

You said it, three words: i love you

You said it, now what do we do?

A territory so new

Together to define

Know not what to do

But together we'll be fine

Ryan J. Nelson ©2002, 2010

Recently unearthed from an old journal.  This was written about the first time someone ever told me those three words. =) 


-ry


x

11 Pages

I've been thinking of you
I've longed for your touch
Now to start something new
More than ever, i need you so much


How did we get here
Sharing statements of love
Harboring feelings of fear
What is it you're afraid of


11 pages, my my feelings confess
11 pages, my heart's a mess
11 pages, please get back to me


I'll call, i'll write
Looking forward to our talk
No response in sight
Is it at our love you balk


All the things that i propose
So much running through my head
In a letter i compose
Perpetual silence, what i dread


11 pages, my feelings confess
11 pages, my heart's a mess
11 pages, please come back to me


Ryan J. Nelson ©2003


Recently unearthed in an old journal of mine.  Wrote this about my first true love. Long story, but it's about a letter i sent to him. The same letter as is the subject in In-between Days.


-ry


x

In-between Days

Arrive at Wilcox Station,
Letter in hand.
Straight to the counter,
there is no queue.
Clerk 14 greets, "How are you?"

Well it's between holidays

and i'm feeling sad.

Yesterday was Mardi Gras.

If only he'd stayed.

Now what of the plans we made?

Posting a letter i couldn't
deliver myself.
From the post office i
send you my love.
Into the envelope, fits like a glove.

It's between holidays

and i'm feeling sad.

Tomorrow is Valentine's

Now i've heartache,

for what of plans we'd make?

Eighty cents to send my love.
"Here's your receipt."
Receipt for an eighty-cent stamp;
A receipt for my love, but really it's
Worth so much more than i can think of.

So i'm in-between days

and i'm feeling bad.

O today uncertainty,

letter sent, turn and go.

Off to take my seat in limbo.

Ryan J. Nelson ©2002


Recently unearthed from an old journal i found.  Written about my first true love.    


-ry


x

Bon Appetite!

Breakfast at Blueberry, despite the weight we carry.
Barely able to fit at the table.
In-N-Out luncheon, continue our munchin'--
Burger and fries to widen our thighs.
A C&O dinner--never any thiner.
Telling a story; Singing "That's Amore."
One more bite--what an appetite!
A couple of fruits, can't see our boots!
Then you're countenance read of abstinence:
Turned to me and said, "Tonight, no fun in bed,
Don't try in vain--too stuffed to be stuffed again."
Standing up, looking down. Eyes won't go 'round.
The day i dread: can't see my head!
Hunger pains and sanity drains.
Vegas buffets; Full dinner trays.
Purging for more.  Culinary whore.
Growing obese, still we feast.
Will it only stop, when into our graves we plop?


Ryan J. Nelson ©2004


Recently unearthed from an old journal of mine. This was totally written to amuse an ex about our love of going out to eat.  It actually makes us sound like fat pigs, but we weren't really.  Well, at least that's the story i'm going with now, haha!  I showed this to him once and we had a good laugh.


-ry


x

Rendition for a holiday.

Deck the halls
Trim the the tree
'Long as we're together
You and me


Bring a smile to your face
A picture i shan't erase
You really fill my heart with joy
More than any card or any toy


This holiday rendition
Filled with love so sweet
A new Christmas tradition
To sweep me off my feet.


Carols to sing
Gifts to buy
All best done
When you are nigh


Now loneliness to part
For i've found my sweetheart
You're all i need for Christmas
You, a hug and a kiss


This holiday rendition
Filled with love so sweet
A new Christmas tradition
To sweep me off my feet


Writing cards
Wrapping gifts
Time spent with you
My Christmas wish


Who would've guessed
With you to be blessed
Ne'er before a love such as this
You're what i want this Christmas


This holiday rendition
Long may it repeat
This Christmas tradition
A real holiday treat


Ryan J. Nelson ©2004


Recently unearthed from an old journal. Written for an ex. Don't think i ever gave it to him. Whatevs. HELLA cheesy though!  I was so young then.  Younger than my chronological age, that is.  Love found me late in life.


-ry


x

Beautiful Stranger

Beautiful stranger
Under your fedora
Alternative youthful hipster
Baggage in tow, headed for parts unknown
Out with your notebook--and you just got hotter
Wandering feet, wandering mind
O, to peak at your paper soul!


You're a vision, just begging to be hugged
Let's trade hearts and be fast friends
Fellow traveler on parallel paths
Wishing you'd bend your line into mine
But now you're off without me
And you'll always be
A beautiful stranger


Ryan J. Nelson ©2010

Master and servant

I feel my heart is becoming callous. Again. Ugh.


Master and servant: my heart has my brain in submission. My brain is restrained, but not blindfolded. I can see everything, but do nothing logical to help myself.  Then again, i know love is not subject to logic.


Is there anything in the universe that can make one feel the most exquisite bliss, or alternatively, the most heart-wrenching pain?  It is, in fact, the longest sliding scale, and i've scaled the whole of it and back.  I guess we all do from time to time, but when one is at the low end, it brings little comfort that one is not alone.  For when one has such a great sense of loneliness induced by the affairs of the heart, one may be surrounded by friends and still feel alone--withdrawn into a myriad of thoughts trying--desperately, to explain the absurdity of one's own and the other's actions and one's own being.


I said to a friend that i may be a fool for love, but i'm not stupid.  Now i am questioning the veracity of that statement.  


I feel like i'm on the edge of a precipice; One eye seeing my seemingly impending fall into oblivion--the other, looking at the thinest of strings holding me back, just strong enough to keep me from plummeting--for now.


I still hold hope, but hope fades with each passing day.


-ry


x

Silence

Silence has pushed my heart into a dark corner—enveloping, constricting.
Silence thinks it can quietly strangle my heart. Strangle, it does,
But all is not quiet, as the mind detects the heart's cry.
Idle hands become busy, delivering its message:


The whole of me pushed into limbo—a state of wretched impatience.
Awaiting word of his simple acknowledgment of my being.
The least I yearn for, despite our previous fury of communication.
Yet, very much missing the metric of our former interaction.


Whirlwinds of romance quickly dissipated to occasional breezes,
As a speeding car may briefly move leaves on a rooted plant.
Distance achieved with every silent minute.
And for each of such short breaks therein, his emotion lessened.


With every mobile sound and every cyber alert,
a fleeting measure of hope
Alas, DASHED!
As if the rest of the world means to mock.


And so I am: a roller coaster of emotional distress.
My stomach up front watching the fall—sinking
My heart at back catching the whiplash, contorted from stress.
What was once so high, is fast crashing low.


Silence: slowing, wearing down the being of my soul.
Silence: wanting, waiting with nowhere to go.




Ryan J. Nelson ©2010

AD RIFT: FIS HINT HE SEA

Adrift.  Solitary i sail.  Away from what failed.  On and on.

Ahead.  Into the abyss.  Behind are days i miss.  Uneasy.

Ages.  A while since sublime.  But a whale of a good time.  Hunting.

Drowning.  In grounders of grog.  To cut through the fog.  Aiding.

Slimy.  Under starry skies.  Waves of temporary highs.  Fishing.

Free.  Didn’t put up a fight.  But just for one night.  Thrown back.

Looking.  But not for keeps.  And the sea, she weeps.  Nightly.

Floating.  Been adrift so long.  Amidst a colorful throng .  All alone.

Avast.  Anchors to weigh?  And start a new day?  Am i ready?

Unsure.  Don’t know how i feel.  Lost without a needle.  Directionless.

Drifting.   Now to sail on.  Best things have gone.  Once again.

Hopeless.  Forget the SOS.  This one’s a mess.  Forlorn.

Repeat.  Yet another night.  And no land in sight.  Adrift.

Ryan J. Nelson ©2009

RANDOM SHIT ABOUT ME

ABOUT ME

I like the beach equally in the day and the night. I like to visit the places in the city that natives didn't know were there. I like the club where the DJ plays the music till 4 or 6 or 8AM. I also like the bar that plays it's music from a juke box. I like singing along to new wave songs when no one is listening (trust me, you'll like that i do it when you're not listening too). I like watching shows about UFOs and alien abductions. I like taking these silly quizzes on Facebook and XXXXXXX. I don't mind being stuck in traffic (unless i'm late, but then that's my own fault isn't it?). I love the big city. Radio sucks. I like finding new music on myspace or itunes.



I live in Mar Vista, but you've never heard of that, so let's just say i live in Venice.



I think i have worms. No, no, it's OK, they're in my computer. Wait, no, that's not OK. Damn! :(



Sometimes i rebel against grammar. I don't like capitalizing 'i' in the middle of a sentence, because i'm not that special. It is ok when you do it cuz it is proper english. Sometimes i make weak verbs strong when speaking, just for fun. I dislike the use of the verb 'to do' as an auxillary verb in english. I think Noah Webster didn't go far enough in changing the spelling of [American] english words. I like to make compound contractions in text (e.g., you'd've, mustn't've). I believe y'all should be a legitimate word. I lament that that the 3d person plural of 'to be' (are) is falling by the wayside in favor of the 3d person singular (is) when contracted with 'there.' (e.g., There's sodas in the fridge.)



Sometimes i'm a nerd.



I like looking at maps. I like reading history books. If i look something up on Wikipedia, i'll probably be stuck there for an hour reading random shit.



A big nerd.



I get artistic when i am sad or depressed. I've not been artistic for quite some time.



I'm a workaholic. I'm an alcoholic. Never at the same time though (tempting as it is).



I am a bastard. No, literally, i am a bastard. OK, sometimes figuratively too, but only if you deserve it.



I fucking love to cuss and curse like a damn sailor, but can probably curb it if it fucking offends you, you bastard.  (JK)



I was made to read the Bible as punishment as a child. I am now Atheist. I do too have morals. I function just fine with out a god. I totally respect your beliefs, however.



I want to go sky-diving one day, but not bungee-jumping. I love roller coasters, but cannot handle playground swings. I HATE talking on the phone, but i love my Blackberry. I have a horrible memory, but i remember useless & random facts. I want socialized medicine in the US. Oops, but that requires open-mindedness--oh well. I like cheese in a can, but not from a jar. I generally don't like fat, but i like it in my milk, but don't drink milk. Well, sometimes i drink chocolate milk. I believe the Lottery is a tax on the poor. Sometimes i buy scratchers.



I am poor.



Also not terribly bright, apparently.



I enjoy playing board games and card games. I don't like gambling. I have no desire to go to Vegas--ever. Unless you're paying. JK, i wouldn't let you pay for me.



I believe in the separation of church and state. I am pro-choice and anti-death penalty (wtf?). The electoral college is an anachronism. Calling US presidential debates debates is debatable. "Military Intelligence" is an oxymoron. Bush is simply a moron. The state should not recognize gay marriage. The state should not recognize straight marriage. I'd rather my taxes raised than cutting social government programs or education. I am pro-immigration. I am anti-ILLEGAL-immigration. I believe in affordable public housing. I believe the homeless question must be answered. I believe homeless policy must be questioned. I think Mr Obama will have aged more than any other president since FDR at the end of his term(s).



I don't think i've ever written so much about myself. I might copy and paste this to my FB and ryspace.



People ask me what i am/where i am from. I say American/Los Angeles. What they really want to know is that i am of Mexican and Danish decent, but that does not define me. I am human; so are you, let's go from there.





WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE

Had been in retail management for 10 years, but currently "at liberty" (damn recession!). You may find me on the sand, behind a drink, in an audience, before a screen or otherwise enjoying life in the meantime.





I’M REALLY GOOD AT

Being quiet, working hard, enjoying libations, spending money, listening, making dumb jokes, finding puns and thinking dirty thoughts & sometimes verbalizing them.



Oh, and punctuation & grammar. Not that i use them all the time, but please, if your writing is unclear, use 'em! Proofread!
Punctuation is hot!
People who can use a comma turn me on.



No, i am not an ass. OK, sometimes i am. Mostly i am nice though. :o)






THE FIRST THING(S) PEOPLE USUALLY NOTICE ABOUT ME

I'm not entirely convinced i am that noticeable. I am mostly fine with that.







MY FAVORITE BOOKS, MOVIES, MUSIC, AND FOOD

BOOKS: I like history books, boring, right? Well, get this: i have a book of the history of writing history in the US, and it is freaking fascinating! Is that a new level of boredom for you? Haha. I also enjoy reading about linguistics and psychology. Biographies of historical figures are good too.

I generally can't get into fiction. I used to like to read the Choose Your Own Adventure books as a child, though.

MUSIC: I like all kinds, from baroque and swing to new wave, electro & progressive rock. some of my favorites: Mellowdrone, Oslo, Blackfield, The Dissociatives, Test Your Reflex, Something For Rockets, Model A, Oceansize, VNV Nation, Esperanza Spalding, Radiohead, Pearl Jam, Travis, PJ Harvey, Beck, Jimmy Eat World, Led Zeppelin, Robert Plant, Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, DJ Alexander, Sergis Varda, DJ Tye, DJ Paulo, Anoraak, The Human League, Depeche Mode, Cure, Morrissey, The Smiths, Duran Duran, New Order, Joy Division, Yaz(oo), Erasure, Psychedelic Furs, Devo, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Flock of Seagulls, Talking Heads, Mary J Blige, Jay-Z, En Vogue, Biggie, Snoop, Eminem, Ashanti, Mariah, Madonna

TV: I watch a shit-load of TV. I wish i didn't. It can ruin my day. It's just so damn addicting! I won't list all my shows here, just a few favorites. Newsradio, Father Ted, I Love Lucy, 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother, Lost, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Seinfeld, Friends, Will & Grace, TBS, Vin Scully, Dodgers games, Kings games, hockey, most things on The History Channel, The Discovery Channel, etc.

MOVIES: Sciuscia, The Ten Commandments, Cube, The Breakfast Club, Chinatown, Glory, Les Quatre Cents Coups, idk, i can't think of all the ones i like. If i ever come across Die Hard, Delta Force or the Poseidon Adventure on TV i have to watch, but idk y. I usually go for comedies or disaster flicks.

FOOD: I like spicy food! Mexican, Thai, Indian. I am a glutton for Tito's Tacos. I'm willing to try new things, but generally, i dislike seafood-- there's something fishy about it and i'd probably dislike insects, cuz they bug me. I prefer my animals to not be in the same shape/form they were in when they were alive.






THE SIX THINGS I COULD NEVER DO WITHOUT

1)friends
2)music
3)sex
4)family
5)money
6)TBD

How about a magic lamp, and i'd only make one wish: to have unlimited wishes. Why is it that no-one thinks of this when they find a lamp?






I SPEND A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT

My next drink.
Why the Kings have to suck every year.
What will happen on 21 December 2012.
Dirty thoughts.
Ways to spend what little money i have.
Which season of Newsradio to watch [again].
Another drink.
What i will do with my future Super Lotto winnings.
Realize that i don't play the Super Lotto.
Sex.
Why Los Angeles lacks sufficient and accessible green space and how i would fix it.
Why Los Angeles lacks sufficient rail transport and how i would fix it.
Why Los Angeles is dirty and fragmented and how i would fix it.
Why i wasn't a Los Angeles city planner.
Why I love LA so much.






ON A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT I AM

Working the corner of Santa Monica and Highland.

(Just kidding)

5pm-6pm: Maxin' & Relaxin'
6pm-7pm: Chillin'
7pm-8pm: Kickin' it
8pm-9pm: Keepin' it real
9pm-10pm: scheming
10pm--> drinking, talking, slurring, dancing, stumbling(--but not driving)






THE MOST PRIVATE THING I’M WILLING TO ADMIT HERE

I admit nothing. I was out of town with friends that night. I don't know what you're talking about.






YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME IF

you want.

P.D.A. (The Public Eye)

[PDA...#1(the original)]

P.D.A. (The Public Eye)

Her hand on your thigh
Yours 'round her waist
All in the public eye
A kiss so easily placed

You whisper sweet nothings
You know we're all in earshot
But no one cares it seems
That you two get caught

In the bus
On the street
Wherever you choose to meet
On the train
At the station
And anywhere across this nation
I'm watching you
And you're so happy
I think you take for granted
Your freedom of affection

On the neck or her cheek
Just a simple peck
O but if i repeat
It's nausea i'd expect

And you only remind
Of what i cannot do
Because of your kind
But maybe you never knew

At the beach
On the pier
But i'm left only to leer
Inside a store
Within a mall
For you there's nothing wrong at all
I'm watching you
And you're so sappy
I want the same, but granted
I'd only incur rejection

As soon as you meet
Fingers interlock
Well isn't that sweet?
Is it me you mock?

Made my decision
Now i've envy
At affection given
Wild and carefree

In the bus
On the street
Wherever you choose to meet
On the train
At the station
And anywhere across this nation
I'm watching you
And you're so happy
I think you take for granted
Your freedom of affection

Ryan J. Nelson ©2006


written about how some "crooked" people might feel about public displays of affection
-ry

P.D.A. (My Mind's Eye)

[PDA... #2 (the sequel)]

P.D.A. (My Mind's Eye)

I'm just so jealous
This life is just hellish
Watching them meet
Watching them greet
A tongue in her cheek
Quite literally i speak

What of our kind
The thoughts in their minds
At the first detection
Of our free affection
What if they could see
Would they turn against me

O not to be confined to parades
Acting like them is such a charade
Held to a certain part of town
Only serves to bring me down
But us we segregate
So us they'll not castigate

And do they realize
The effect on my eyes
I guess it quite silly
For whose fault is it really
Well mine i have to say
So why do i feel this way

Then their thoughts be damned
Go on grab my hand
Hands on your hips
I plant one on your lips
And now it's understood
That now i feel good

So i blink my mind's eye
And realize that i
Think of one thought
Don't mind being caught
Come here and and give me a kiss
Now i know what i've missed

Ryan J. Nelson ©2006

fuck it, crooked lovers of the world united (and make out in public, hahaha!)
-ry

Anniversary

Anniversary

 

Today is our anniversary

If only we were together still

I wonder just how it would be

If only we were together still

 

A year ago this day we met

You filled me with desire

Since that day i could not forget

You filled me with desire

 

I think about you all the time

Wishin' you would still be mine

I can't get you outta my head

Wishin' you were here instead

 

After every time we'd meet

My heart would grow a little fonder

You made me feel so complete

And my heart it grew a little fonder

 

You spread your arms and took me in

I felt so safe and warm inside

Opened your heart and let me in

I felt so loved and warm inside

 

I think about you all the time

Wishin' you would still be mine

I can't get you outta my head

Wishin' you were here instead

 

You'd always know just what to say

You made me feel so very special

And the things you'd do every day

You made me feel so very special

 

Now i wonder how it would be

If only we were together still

All my days would be sorrow free

If only we were together still

 

I think about you all the time

Wishin' you would still be mine

Now you're gone and it's too late

Now all i've got is this date

Ryan J. Nelson ©2002

This was written about my first true love (also the subject of "Hollywood Dreams"). I awoke suddenly and unexplainably one morning around 4am and jotted this down, then went back to sleep. It just flowed right out, like blood from a broken heart.
-ry

Hollywood Dreams

A cameo,

just a start.

Bravo!

You touched my heart.

Begin my Hollywood dreams.

 

Playing the part,

recurring role.

And my heart,

i think you stole.

Build my Hollywood dreams.

 

Now's my chance:

your leading man.

Begin romance--

know we can.

In my Hollywood dreams.

 

The offer,

what a role!

You'll prosper,

take a stroll

through my Hollywood dreams.

 

I ask you

who you are.

I cast you,

you're a big star.

In my Hollywood dreams.

 

We start

our production:

The art

of seduction.

In my Hollywood dreams.

 

Another voice

that you hear.

And the choice

is so near.

With-out my Hollywood dreams.

 

Change of plans,

us on the shelf.

So you can

go find yourself.

Outside my Hollywood dreams.

 

You quit

the perfect part.

You'll split

for a new start.

Outside my Hollywood dreams.

 

Now we're through.

Spread your wings.

And know that you

really were something,

out of my Hollywood dreams.

Ryan J. Nelson ©2002

This was written about my first true love who lived in Hollywood and had made plans to join the Air Force before we met. Boot camp was just 6 months after we meet. :'(
-ry

Looking Forward

Only you know what the past has brought
so you don't know how a future seems.
Why not live in the present tense,
and see what the future brings.

You say i'm the sweetest,
beautiful: within,without.
And you wonder why i'm so incensed,
when after being "sure," you expressed doubt.

Now that i'm in your sight,
don't let your dreams keep you up at night.
Wake up and smell what's before you:
i'm all your dreams come true!

You say i'm perfect;
in me is everything you could want.
So you see what utter nonsense,
that past ways should haunt.

Thinking of what the past has wrought,
it's hard to think of future things.
But wouldn't it make more sense
to live now for our future dreams?

~ry

Ryan J. Nelson ©2004

In my head (let me be)

(Don't you ruin this for me.)
i want this
i need this
can't be happy without this
so why do you sabotage
don't try to sabotage
this
why won't you let me
have this
leave me be
leave us be
just let me be

i don't need your grief
i don't need your worries
i don't need you to tell me not to hurry
i don't want you to find faults
with me
with them
with things
i hate all that this brings
you think you're protecting
but you're only wrecking
you're inside of my head
just wish you were dead

but maybe it's true...
      oh, but maybe it's not...

what to think of these thoughts
why do you confuse me
only here to abuse me
just let me be
and maybe you'll see
all that i can be
all that we can be
all i'm meant to be

and you make me
say the wrong things
act the wrong way
and it goes on
day after day
can't go on
anymore this way

you deceive me
won't you relieve me
not of them, of you
won't you finally say that we're through
so that i say
you were only something that i once knew

want to say bye
then i'll be high
so why not try
not to deny
and just let me be

you make me so sad
then, thinking of what you did
i get so mad
the strength i only wish i had
the strength to push you away
make you go away
from me
why don't you do
as i say
what i tell you to

and then i'll be happy
oh so happy
to finally be rid of you
and then you'll see
what i always knew: it's ok to be me
then i'll feel so free
just want to be me
just want to be happy...

BUT YOU'RE STILL IN MY HEAD!!!


Ryan J. Nelson ©2004


-this is about that little voice in my head that would always try to sabaotge burgeoning romances by second-guessing and finding faults or faux faults.
~ry