SOCIAL ANIMAL

I feel like i am drowning in the abyss of a sea of disappointment—once again.  Ask me what my plans are before any given week and i’ll tell you i am pretty busy.  Ask me at the end how my week went and i’ll tell you i spent most of it at home alone, bored and disappointed.

I make plans with friends and they flake out—everything always seems to fall through.  It’s just sad.  It happens a lot to me.  Like, A LOT!  It sucks!  Am i the only one?  I'm pretty down right now.  Was supposed to spend time with a friend from out of town today and not even a call or text.  I mean, i hope it he is all right—i’ve been worried, for sure—but i fear it is just me being stood up again.  Horrible, huh?  Life’s got me so cynical, that in addition to his safety, i’m thinking about myself.

It’s not a good feeling.  It is now that i realize that this too feeds into my misanthropic nature.  I’ve already given up on the human race at large, but i always cherish my friends.  Am i not worthy of having friends?  I don’t understand why people do this to me.  What is it about me that says, someone please shit all over my day and screw me over??  I think the seemingly chronic ones are just fucking with me sometimes.  So this is it--now i’ve become distrusting of friends??  Shit!!

Shall i give up on friendships too?  Shall i just become a fucking hermit?  Shall i keep my goddamn head down and not fucking speak or befriend anyone anymore?  But if i do all that, then what is the point of even living, right??  FUCK!!!  As much as i dislike humans in general, i realize that despite all the murders and wars and injustice in the world, we are still social animals (a paradox, yes?  Exactly why prejudice, favoritism, nationalism, racism et cetera exist—but that is another blog) and we need friendly interaction—yes, even me.

If anyone knows what the fuck my problem is, please tell me before it’s too goddamn late.